( ✩ Y ✩ ) (janneys) wrote in the_death_wing,
( ✩ Y ✩ )
janneys
the_death_wing

Match 1: Abbey Bartlet V. Donna Moss




ORANGE:
*clears throat* *gets ready*

GINGA:
*taps microphone* Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3.. 456

ORANGE:
BOMB!

GINGA:
WHERE!?

ORANGE:
Just checking

GINGA:
OMG. WHERE'S MY "IN CASE OF NUCLEAR EMERGENCY..." card... oh.
[beat] HEY, DID THE NSA EVEN GIVE ME ONE!? *rummages through the box of stuff*

Orange:
HAHA! NO

GINGA:
Well, do YOU have one!?

ORANGE
*looks at feet* No... But I have a video membership thingy and 10$

GINGA:
...D: That video membership better be to Hollywood, 'cause we all know Blockbuster doesn't carry enough good movies.

ORANGE
*nods* netflix is the bomb though *pauses and then shakes her head a bit* ...This has nothing to do with are latest fight...

GINGA:
No, it really doesn't. *fiddles with microphone and pulls a stray hair out of the foam*

ORANGE:
*makes a face and tries not to vomit* *breathes* ANY WAY.... We are in the middle of a dark street right now... that one near the white house.. you know.. ummm… PENNSYLVANIA AVE.!!

GINGA:
*hears a car* OH MY GOD WE'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING STREET! WHAT IF WE GET RUN OVER!? *looks around nervously* LEOOOOO!

LEO:
Relax, the Secret Service blockaded the street.

ORANGE:
*scoff* Yeah.. duh... *pauses* wait they did?

GINGA:
Um. *looks around* Oh, yeah, there are the telltale black SUVs.

ORANGE:
FREAKIN’ SWEET!

GINGA:
Freakin' sweet indeed!

ORANGE:
HEY LOOK *points* It's Jed and are next victim, I mean victor, I mean CONTESTANT *dramatic voice* ABIGAIL BARTLET

GINGA:
WOOOO! How're you doing tonight, Abbey? *holds mic up*

ABBEY:
I'm.. *sniffs* *sniffs some more* That mic smells like old cheese....

GINGA:
*blinks* Oh, dear. Goldfish crumbs. *turns around to brush it off* *blows on the mic a lot causing that horrible blowing on the mic sound*

[LEO, ORANGE and ABBEY cringe.]

GINGA:
Ooookay, I think I got all the- *FEEDBACK NOISE!* GAH! MY EARS! *flails and falls on the ground*

ORANGE:
*screams* OH DEAR LORD GOD! I'M DEAF... I'MMM DEEEAAAAFFFF!

GINGA:
*gasps for air* SORRY.

ORANGE:
WHAAAAT?!?!?! YOUR NAME’S BOBBY????!

GINGA:
I SAID SORRY!

ORANGE:
*laughs* I'm just playin'.

GINGA:
Mean. *sticks out tongue*

LEO:
*warning tone* Girls...

ABBEY:
Can we get this show on the road?

GINGA:
*cough* Sorry Mrs.- gah, er, I mean, Dr. Bartlet. *laughs nervously* But, wait, where's Donna? *glances around*

ORANGE:
OH DONNA! ..... JOSH IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME

GINGA:
Err, Josh, where's Donna?

JOSH:
*pauses* What? .. OH! Donna! Yeah, she's somewhere

DONNA:
I'm heeeere! Don't start yet!

[She runs to the gate, frantically opens it and then rushes to JOSH's side, gasping for air.]

DONNA:
Did I... did I miss anything?

ORNAGE:
*Stares blankly at her* *Blinks*

DONNA:
What? *looks at ORANGE funny but shrugs it off* Oh... oh, dear. I've been so busy remembering all of Josh's crap-

JOSH:
Hey!

DONNA:
That I forgot all about this... *gulps* A fight? I'm really not so sure about this.

ORNAGE:
*continues to stare* *blinks some more* Wait what? I completely blackedout... I was too busy thinking of Abbey bringing the pain..

DONNA:
Hey! I know how to bring the pain, too!

ORANGE:
*sighs* Yet sadly I don't care.. *has some issues*

DONNA:
*glares at ABBEY, but mostly looks adorable*

GINGA:
AWWWW, DONNA YOU'RE SO CUTE. Don't worry, I'M rooting for you. *grins*

JOSH:
Me too! 'cause if you die I won't have anyone who'll remember my crap.

ORANGE:
ABBEY MAKE YOUR MEAN FACE!!

ABBEY:
*stares at ORANGE*

GINGA:
*gigglesnorts*

ORANGE:
We'll i got the fuzzy end of that lollypop *sighs* Well Donna does have SOME mad skills

DONNA:
That's RIGHT. *makes adorable pouty face* I can book you on a flight to Atlanta like magic, unbook it, rebook it, and I can hold my own with the giant chicken.

ORANGE:
*under her breath* Abbey can kill you with a needle…

GINGA:
AHHH, YOU'RE SO CUUUTE! *giggles* I love your pouty face.

DONNA:
YOU'RE NOT HELPING MY CASE HERE!

GINGA:
Yes, the power of illegal drugs sure is something, isn't it?
LEO:
Something nasty.

ORANGE:
Nasty like money! *points to LEO* Disssss!

GINGA:
money?

ORANGE:
*clears throat* Pssssh, Yeah!

GINGA:
...money?
ORANGE:
*sigh* It was the first thing that came to mind!!
LEO:
*pushes ORANGE’s finger out of his face* *scowls

GINGA:
Okay, okay, well, um, Leo. Who do you think is going to win tonight?

LEO:
Abbey.

DONNA:
*whines* LEOOOO!

ORANGE:
IN YOUR FACE!

LEO:
Sorry, kid, but Abbey could claw your face off. *Leo shrugs while Donna pouts*
ORANGE:
*yells to DONNA*ABBEY IS GOING TO OWN YOU!

GINGA:
What is your beef with Donna?

ORANGE:
I don’t know… after the first term, the “Sorkin Age”, she just *makes a hand jester like a blowing leaves*

[Tragic love song plays]

GINGA:
*Looks at ORANGE as though she were crazy* Alright then…

[ABBEY walks over to DONNA, having been through enough stalling, and slaps her]

DONNA:
*gasps and holds her cheek* Ow! ...*kicks ABBEY in the shin*

GINGA:
OH SNAP, here we go! The fight has started!

ABBEY:
*holds shin* OW! Why you-- *tackles DONNA*

ORANGE:
O NO SHE DINNIT!

DONNA:
Rrrgh! *claws at her hair* *They go tumbling down the street*

JED:
And people wonder why I married her.

ABBEY:
*bites DONNA’s forehead*

DONNA:
*Does a headbutt into ABBEY's head*

ABBEY:
*backhands DONNA with her wedding ring & stumbles to get up*

DONNA:
*Holds her nose and reaches for ABBEY's leg, dragging her back onto the ground*

GINGA:
Boy, what a catfight. This is awesome! Who's got popcorn!?

JOSH:
I have some *places it on the table eyes glued on the fight*

GINGA:
You carry around popcorn?

JOSH:
Now I do, seeing as how you keep making my friends fight… not that I’m complaining.

GINGA:
*shrugs* *shoves popcorn into mouth* MMM, buttery.

ORANGE:
This is insane! All the young ones getting beat by the old!!

GINGA:
Hey! Donna's doing pretty well, considering...
ORANGE:
All I'm saying is it's making me think twice about taking on my grandma...

GINGA:
Crap, man, be glad Abbey didn't hear that!

[CJ, TOBY and SAM walk out too see what was going on]

CJ:
What the hell?

Leo:
Hey. Want some popcorn? *winces* Ooh, I think I saw blood.

ORANGE:
*yelling* ABBEY EAT HER FACE!!!

CJ:
That's disgusting! *has a new supply of Goldfish. this time, GINGA looks at them longingly*

ORANGE: I dont REALLY want her too... *looks at the fish as well* Hey... uhh... can we have some?

CJ:
*inbetween bites* Where are your bags?

SAM:
Hey give me some *CJ passes bag*

GINGA:
*mouth drops* So the Sunshine Man gets Goldfish and we don't?

ORANGE: OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?

[they look and orange swips the bag]

ORANGE:
*hands them to GINGA*
GINGA:
*gasps with glee and dives a hand into the bag*


[ORANGE has a very big grin… until CJ gives her the death glare]

CJ:
*takes the bag away* *eats some crackers
GINGA:
Give it back!

ABBEY:
*pulls a needle from her…. where ever* It's just a mild tranquilizer! *stabs DONNA*

GINGA:
*mouth drops*

DONNA:
*gasps and then screams* WHAT THE HELL DID YOU STICK IN ME!?

ABBEY:
Oh you know just some.. stuff... You won't die.

ORANGE:
*laughs*

GINGA:
Oh man, she pulled out the drugs. *shoves more popcorn into mouth and watches, mesmerized*

JOSH:
DONNA! NOO! *stands there with mouth dropped*

DONNA:
Oww... *wincing* It's okay, Josh, I'm... *stands up, and then just... stands there* I'm... *blinks a lot and swoons* I... uh... *silence*

ORANGE:
*Victory stance* HAHA ABBEY WINS

DONNA:
...WOW!

ORANGE:
DAMN IT! WHY WON’T YOU DIE??!!

GINGA:
Whoa. Wait! It's not over yet!

DONNA: I NEVER REALIZED... *starts to cry* HOW BEAUTIFUL THE OUTSIDE OF THE WHITE HOUSE LOOKS AT NIGHT! OH MY GAWWWWWWDDDDDD. *begins sobbing*

GINGA:
*mouth. drops.* Holy crap! She's freakin' high!

DONNA:
*sniff* All the colors... they're. so. BEAUTIFUL.

ORANGE:
Whoa...

DONNA:
*sways around* AND THE GATE! It's so... it's so... black... Black like a crow... with shiny shiny feathers. *stumbles into ABBEY* Oh, hi, Mrs. Dr. Bartlet! What are you doing here?

ABBEY:
Kicking your ass... *smirk*

DONNA: What? But my ass feels fine.

SAM:
*cracks open some Red Bull and sips it* Wow. Just... wow.

ABBEY:
*Runs over to SAM* Give me that!

GINGA:
*Gasps* What's this!? Abbey has stolen Sam's Red Bull!

SAM:
But... but... *looks like a lost puppy* I'm thirsty...

ABBEY:
I'm the boss’s wife... *holds hand out* Give.

CJ:
Sam...

LEO:
Sam, give her the Red Bull or you'll be her next victim.

SAM:
*sniff* Fine! *shoves it into ABBEY's hand* I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!

ABBEY:
I am, thanks Sam *gives him a smile before chugging*

SAM:
*whimper*

DONNA:
AND THE MOOOOON! *staggering around in the middle of the street* IT'S SO BRIGHT AND WHITE AND... aha... AHAHAHA! A white moon... at the White House! AAAAHAHAHAHA!

ABBEY:
*picks up a black SUV*

[Everyone's mouths drop]

ORANGE:
OH SNAP!

GINGA:
HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP! The First Lady had picked up a car! SHE HAS PICKED UP A CAR!

ORANGE:
*passes out*

GINGA:
*flailing* MY GOD! We need to ban Red Bull from the fights next time! This shit is scary!

DONNA:
Wheeeeeeeee! *spins around and giggles*

ABBEY:
*hurls the suv right at DONNA*

DONNA:
And then... there was a frog, and the frog said...

JOSH:
DONNA! LOOK OUT!

DONNA:
JOSH, DON'T INTERRUPT MY... hey... who's turning off the moon? It's all dark all of the- *SMASH*

[Collective gasp and recoil]

ORANGE:
*blinks*

JED:
*at a loss for words, as he's been for the majority of the fight, lawl*

LEO:
Is she...?

GINGA: She can't be DEAD! Nobody can really DIE here!

ABBEY:
I'm sure she's fine… She didn't die in Gaza...

GINGA:
Well, I mean, that was a little different, 'cause, you know, NO ONE TOSSED A FREAKIN' CAR ON HER! *mouth drops again*

ORANGE:
Dude, it's Donna, she's alive.. and Abbey's a doctor she can bring her back from the dead, if she is dead. WHICH SHE'S SO NOT DEAD.

GINGA:
That's right, Donna's impervious. Whew.

ORANGE:
*waits for any sign of life*

JED: Donnatella?

DONNA:
*muffled from under the car* Something... doesn't feel right.

ORANGE:
SHE LIVES HAHA! Abbey's not charged for murder! WHOO!

GINGA:
That's good. Oh, there goes Josh, running to the car. Poor Donna. That's gonna be painful in the morning.

ORANGE:
But at least she's ALIVE. *silence* *looks around* *clears throat* That was clearly a filler sentence..

GINGA:
Clearly. Man... I really wanted her to win! *dejected*

CJ & SAM:
*mouths still dropped*

ORANGE:
BURRRNNN! I win you loose 'twas ever thus.

GINGA:
Well, that seems to be it for today... Dr. Bartlet... you really scare me now. *shivers*

ORANGE:
That was a rather intense battle and I hop you all learned not to piss off Mrs. B or give her red bull..

GINGA: Damn right. Seeing as Abbey is the victor here, she'll be fighting in the next fight, and we'll need someone who could go up against her! Who could take Abbey...? *pondering face*

ORANGE
hmm... Simon?...No...Ron?... No.. some other guy with a gun?

GINGA:
Hmm... Or just someone a lot taller. *ponder, ponder* ... ... ... *GASP*

GINGA:
*whips around to stare at CJ with shining eyes and a grin*

CJ:
What?... WHOA, NO! *shakes head* Are you crazy?!

GINGA:
Yes! Of course we're crazy!

ORANGE:
we put the KRAZY in KRAZY GLUE *snaps*

GINGA:
WELL GOOD! C.J. is our next challenger!

CJ:
NO! STOP! I NEVER SAID-

GINGA:
SO MAKE SURE TO VOTE, GUYS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
CJ:
NOOOO! NO NO NO!

[Play cheesy music]
[fade to black]
Tags: abbey, donna, match 1
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  • 3 comments
Aw poor CJ...

ABBEY WON! ABBEY CAN LIFT A CAR ABOVE HER HEAD!!! ABBEY IS DA MAN!

OMGOMGOMG!!!

I was so madly in love with this. But MAK!! Dude!!! You stole goldfish from CJ? That was a new low... but funny!

OMGOMG *runs off to vote for next match*
VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!
all the cool kids are doing it.

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Hee, these lists make me happy inside. :D